Am I? … I Am!

 
Okay, so you’re wondering about this struggle that I am recommending that you embrace.  Tricia already asked me that back in February, before this blog was a gleam in my eye.    Remember, Tricia?  No?  Oh well.  They say the mind is the first to go, luv.  😉
But I digress. 🙂
Here’s the thing.  In my world, the struggle is real, relentless, and sometimes overwhelming, mostly in my mind.  Some days the pressure comes from within (small, irritating voices); other days, it’s from without (loud, annoying voices).  Many days, it’s from both inside and out.  Sybil, anyone?  Makes a sister wonder sometimes whether she’s playing with a full deck of cards! You begin to question your very core.
I know that I’m winning––not in a Charlie Sheen way––but the challenge remains, even for those of us who love and serve God.  Especially for those of us who love and serve God.  
Here’s a thumbnail sketch of what my struggle sometimes looks like:
Who am I, really?  What does the real me look like?  Am I what my enemy would make me think? 
Am I … living life in pencil rather than in ink?
Am I … a crazed, sick, tormented, toe-up remnant of what I used to be?
Am I … a reject, constantly butting against closed doors … and windows … and ceilings?
Am I … not smart enough, fly enough, rolling deep enough, spiritually savvy enough?
Am I … isolated, cut off, relegated permanently to the naughty corner of life?
Am I … angry, depressed, schizoid, paranoid, a wee bit bipolar?
Am I … a quitter, a noncontributor to real life, aiming low and not even making that goal?
Am I … off message, discombobulated, compass-less, treading water and getting nowhere fast?
Am I … irrelevant, a waste of space, caught in the vise of an extended midlife crisis?
Am I … a scaredy cat, fearful of leaving normal and my comfort zone?
Am I … my own worst enemy?
Even if any of this is true, is mine a purely negative diagnosis, with an even worse prognosis?  Um, I beg to differ. 
This is who I am, according to my Dad:
I am … fearfully and wonderfully made, a unique design from the Original Creator.  There is no other on earth like me. (Ain’t that a good thing!)
I am … a carrier of my Father’s DNA; the lost sheep matter to me, especially the lost sheep within the church.  No, it’s not an oxymoron.  Stay tuned.
I am … a daughter, a sister, not just to Yvonne and Chris, but to many others in the Spirit.
I am … the book and music lover; the friend who will stick closer than a brother (sister); the passionate intercessor; the eager worshipper; the one whose heart is moved by those who suffer and seem forgotten and shunted aside, whether famous, infamous, or in between. 
I am … bold enough to take God at His word and believe that He will prosper me as I walk obediently in one direction … His.
I am … gifted to touch the lives of others through my encouragement; my time, talent, and treasure; and my compassion.
I am … commissioned to move His kingdom forward, one person, one conversation, one call, one e-mail, one tweet, one Facebook post, one blog entry (gasp!) at a time.
I am … equipped to do great exploits for God and for others.  I can scale a wall with Him.
I am … surrounded by a “cloud of witnesses,” down here and up there, who cheer me on to live out what I was put here to fulfill.
I am … hopeful, patiently waiting to see what He’ll do next in my life as I open it up to Him on the daily.
Truth is, the “Am I’s” and the “I am’s” don’t amount to a hill of refried beans when compared to the “Great I AM” and my relationship with Him.  In His light, the struggle loses its power and I can embrace it fully, knowing that He has my back.  The enemy’s lies (the Am I’s) are just that … lies.  The struggle is real, but God is in it and is bigger than it.  Glory!
Welcome to Embrace the Struggle!  The plan is to share the things that make me go “hmmm”, among other four-letter words (hey, keep your minds elevated!), as well as any other loony stuff percolating in my mind.  Buyer beware:  this first blog entry is probably going to be the sanest you’ll read from me.  But don’t let that scare you away!  My prayer is that we will emerge from the sharing much stronger––and all suited up for the next level of the struggle. 

Comments

  1. Great job, Ali. Welcome to the blogging world. I look forward to reading much more of your moving work.

  2. Aliiiiissooonnn…Love you! You are a beautiful person and I thank God everyday for you. I'm proud of you and I look forward to every insane (#Lol) yet exciting blog entry. hahaha

  3. I tried posting about this from my phone, but it didn't work. Anyway, want you to know I loved this! Can't wait to see more. 🙂 Btw–my writing group always has room for more. And since I am moving to Olney, you might be able to get to my place easily with the ICC now being open. Think about it. 🙂

  4. Thanks Justice, Keris, and Pam! I promise to keep it going!

  5. Katherine says:

    Hey Alison — we all sometimes have these deep soul-searching questions in one form or the other which can sometimes put a negative spin on who we are and where we are going. However, thanks for shedding light on the truth of who we really are and what we can become. Looking forward to reading more. Have a blessed week! Luv ya 😉

  6. You're right, Paula; we all go through that "questioning", which is often the result of an attack by the enemy. We know Who to turn to, however, for the true answers. Thanks for visiting!

  7. @Optimistic MomThanks so much! Questions definitely arise during struggle; I'm glad God provides the answers in His time!

  8. Optimistic Mom says:

    I love this post! I find myself questioning so many things especially during times of struggle. The message is one that is very timely and speaks to me. So glad I came across it and now anxiously following for what is next.

  9. Love, love, love this! Thank you! I needed to see this post as I head in to the New Year!

  10. Love, love, love this! Thank you! I needed to see this post as I head in to the New Year!

  11. @Diane – It's All Good Until You Burn DinnerDiane, thanks! It's a good reminder that God sees us far differently than the enemy would like us to see ourselves. Happy 2012!

  12. testing my own comments

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