That’s what friends should be for…

I had an MRI this afternoon.  Um, why did no one explain to me what I was signing up for?  That’s what friends are for… supposedly.  Friends don’t let a sista get an MRI without warning her.

So I blithely showed up early, filled out the requisite forms, and waited patiently for my turn.  Took almost a half hour before they called me.  No worries; I was fine, or so I thought.  Read a bit, looked at TV a bit, people-watched a bit.  

The guy comes out and calls my name, oblivious to the fact that I am right behind him and have said:  “Here!” at least four times.  He finally gets a clue.

Him:  Why didn’t you answer?

Me:  I did, four times.

Him:  You spoke too softly!

Me:  *whispers* That would explain it… right?

I get into the changing room and divest myself of all things metallic and of anything else, except what is needed to keep my lady bits covered.  Two stunning blue gowns later, I’m ready for my close-up, so I sit just outside the chamber of soon-to-be-horrors.  Again:  why nobody warn a sista?

Me:  How long will this take?

Him:  Oh, about 25 minutes.

Huh?  I clearly had not given this matter the thought it merited.

A lady from Guyana, who also works there and whom the guy tells me is from “Ghana” *rolls eyes*, gets me up on the gurney and gives me little Play-doh thingys for my ears.  Once I lie down and they begin to shuttle me slowly into this cavern, I realize that this thing is really small.  I seem to just be able to fit, and I’m a size 4.  What the heck do really big people do?

“Just squeeze this ball if you want to sneeze or cough,” she says, placing the “trigger” in my hand.  Um, hello? Just the thought of wanting to sneeze or cough is making me want to sneeze AND cough.  

And off we go!  The top of the apparatus is easily less than two inches from my forehead.  Whose idea was this?  You know, I never considered myself claustrophobic, but I was today.  

Then the noise began.  Really, whose idea was this?  First loud, insistent, almost deafening beeps; then it’s like a construction crew was let loose in the room.  Then they combined, and parts of it really sounded cool for a while.  Might have potential in a hip-hop song.  But at least it got my mind off of the claustro feeling for a minute.

The machine is vibrating, and not in a good way.  Lord, help me, is all I can pray.  (Hey, that rhymes!  Unplanned, but cool!)  I start to think of music, but kinda morbid stuff keeps coming to the surface, like “Abide With Me.”  I’m losing my mind!  Then I think of when we do “corpse pose” at the end of yoga class.  Well, baby, here’s to the real deal “corpse pose”; I literally feel like I am in my coffin.  So my mind goes to seeing my dad at the viewing the day of his funeral.  Oh Lord, please don’t let me start to cry in here!  

I close my eyes and wonder what would happen if one of the Play-doh ear stops fell out.  Well, I’d have to press the trigger, which would mean I’d be pulled out of my coffin and then be reinserted.  Not a welcome thought.  Then I felt myself sort of dozing off and wanted to yawn. Is a yawn up there with a sneeze and a cough as grounds to press the trigger?  I yawn twice in a constricted sort of way, and water starts to run out of both eyes.  Y’all know I wanted to wipe my eyes like crazy.  More prayer.  This is one struggle that I was not embracing well.

Then the guy asks me through the mini-speaker at the top of the coffin:  “How are we doing?”  How in bloody hell do you think I’m doing?  I’m one-sixteenth of an inch away from a nervous breakdown!  However, I politely answered: “Fine!”

About five minutes later, the noise and clamor cease and I feel myself being pulled forward to open space.  Free at last!  I have never been so glad to move from a lying position.  You know I love to sleep.

So I get back to the changing room and try to open the locker where I had secured my personal effects.  The key breaks off in the lock.  So I have to wait another 15 minutes for them to get someone to open the locker.  I’m still in my brilliant blue gowns.  

Once they got it all sorted, I fled from that place like a bat out of hell.  Still traumatized!  For consolation I went to Floyd to get my hair cut.  I was looking a bit grannified with my teeny-weeny afro going gray indiscriminately and sprouting off on its own.  I do feel like singing “Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft” by the Carpenters (you who grew up in the late 70s might remember that tune) when I look at the shape of my head with this haircut (hey, no pictures for you guys to laugh at), but this, too, will pass. I slightly resemble Paul  from the movie that came out earlier this year.  I’m claiming Romans 8:28 on this one.  I’ll look better by Saturday.  I better…

But, hey, at least I’m not in that coffin!  And you people who have had an MRI should have brought me up to speed beforehand.  Shame!  LOL!


  1. Ah lawd Alison lol I should have been a fly on the wall. lol

  2. Girl, I don't think a fly could have fitted in that cavern. It was that tight! LOL!

  3. I had an MRI in April and that was my first time. I was warned though. It was the scariest thing ever. I had two sessions which took a total of 45 minutes. I hope I never have to do that again! That thing is so small I was about to have a nervous breakdown. Blessings to you for getting through it. Visiting from flashback friday on Chasing Joy! Love your blog by the way.

  4. @KEAZYHey Keazy! I can't imagine two sessions back to back in that thing! I hear ya re: the nervous breakdown! That's how I felt. Ah, the things we do for health… LOL!

  5. Thanks for the head’s up, Alison. Loved The Carpenter’s video, too. It’s been awhile since I’ve heard any of their music. What a lovely voice she had!
    LydiaF recently posted..Tapas Tuesday: Eggplant with HoneyMy Profile

    • Just yesterday as I was heading into the garage, Karen Carpenter came on the radio singing “On Top of the World.” I had to stop and sing along! Her voice is perfection. I used to want to be able to sing like her when I was a kid. I still mourn her loss…
      Alison recently posted..I made a video!My Profile

  6. Hahaha Alison…yeah I agree, they should’ve helped a sista out! Wow, that’s a lot for one person to endure in a day. You should be proud of yourself…you were a big girl! Lol! You should’ve rewarded yourself with a trip to Costa Rica! 🙂 I love Karen Carpenter, she was definitely underrated. She was as good of a drummer as she was a singer. Thanks for making me laugh!
    Michell recently posted..Doing YOU WELL Wednesday #33My Profile

    • Yep, had to pull up those big-girl pants, Michell. I had no idea that it would have been so traumatic. Ah well, at least they found out that nothing was really wrong with me, except a bit of arthritis in the bones.

      Yes, Karen Carpenter was a fave of mine. Love all her songs. What a gift! And I didn’t know that she was a good drummer too. Who knew?
      Alison recently posted..I made a video!My Profile

  7. Girl! I send people for MRI’s ALL.THE.TIME. I had to get one last year and yours truly (Dr. Reid) had to push the button and discontinue the process. I was on the verge of passing out AND freaking out. I later went back for an Open MRI. It’s like night and day. Now I recommend the open MRI to folks who have issues with small spaces. Great post
    Hope recently posted..What’s so funny?My Profile

  8. I CANNOT with MRI’s! I’ve never had one but plenty of my patient’s have. We have to transfer them to another hospital if they’re claustrophobic are require bariatric (large) equipment. I can just imagine your gray TWA shrinking in fear. Ha! #mbc
    Andrea recently posted..BeQuoted: The Funny EditionMy Profile

  9. MRI…no mam! If I had only known ahead of time, I would have warned you. LOL. I got an MRI 12 years ago, I freakin’ freaked out. When they let me out, I haul tailed out of there. Three years ago, I was in a car accident and the doctor required for me to have an MRI…uhh no mam! They had to find me an upright, sit down MRI and that was 1000000% better! #MBC
    Carica recently posted..My girlfriend is hairy and she licks a lot, and I like itMy Profile

  10. Thank you for taking us through your MRI experience in a funny and light hearted manner. I am huge on seeing things from a comical side, even if it is a serious situation. It makes for a better story. Much like yours. You have great story telling skills. I could imagine every moment of your experience.

  11. Oh my goodness, I forgot all about this! I had an MRI about 10 years ago or so. I thought, cool, I’ll just go to sleep. NOT! Between having to lay there completely still and that grating noise, I thought I was going to loose it. I was so happy to high tail it up out of there, you just don’t know! Oh wait, you do! It was nothing like I expected. But then again , my only knowledge of an MRI experience was what I saw on television shows. Oh well…

  12. LOL!!! Wow your experience was an eye opener. I went with my husband just last Friday. He had to have an MRI as well. So he comes out to hand me his belt, keys, phone and watch because guess what – all the lockers are broken. LOL! So after it’s all over approx. 30 minutes later, I say, “How was it?” He says, “Fine”. So in other words he was freaking out in there and didn’t want to tell me?
    Kenya G. Johnson recently posted..A helpful list to get your man to do stuff…My Profile

    • Probably! LOL Guys will keep that fear on lockdown. Me now, I had to shout it from the mountaintops via a blog post. It was cathartic! And how funny that the locker was broken too!

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