Wisdom from the road well travelled



I spend upwards of two hours driving to and from work each day.  It opens up a world of opportunity to glean what I like to call “road wisdom.”


1.     Perhaps your wig/weave/extensions are in too tight?  That might explain why you’re lurching from one lane to the next while you try to smoke, carry on a cell phone conversation (phone to her ear; ticket, anyone?), and still grab the wheel.


2.     Texting while driving.  Need I even go there?


3.     I know it carries you from point A to point B, but that whoopty you’re driving is going to conk out any minute now.  Before it dies in the middle of the road and holds up traffic throughout the Metro area, would you please consider (a) trading it in before it trades you in or (b) succumbing to new car syndrome and get a new one?

4.     We’re all slowing down for a reason (there’s a cop ahead; we know because he’s been there every day for the last year). But you, road rage diva, please feel free to speed up and honk at the rest of us.  I do believe a photo of your car, while you regale us with your stellar behavior, will be awaiting you in the mail in a few days.


 



5.     Young’un switching from one lane to the next five times in five minutes, here’s a revelation:  I will still meet you at the next light, and I will look over and smile sweetly at you!

6.     Honking, cussing, and flipping the bird at me will not make me go any faster.  It will, however, ensure that I will laugh heartily–to your increased chagrin.

7.     Must you put your expletive-riddled music on blast? (Aren’t y’all glad summer is over for that one reason?)  If I put my mind to it, I can probably use 
swear words more creatively than you AND the brainiac whose music you’re listening to.


8.     Move back from my bumper and nobody will get hurt.  But if you persist in drawing nigh to me, please hit me purposefully.  I’ve been eyeing a bangin’ BMW and you might just be my ticket to that sweet thang… 😉

9.     Staring lovingly into the eyes of your front-seat passenger while zipping along at 60 mph and veering uncontrollably into my lane is not wise, in any language.  Me entiendes?  

10.     It’s really not a good look to shave, take out your curlers, uncomb your wrap, put on make up–whatever the personal grooming process you feel led to undertake–on the road.


 


11.     Gentle sir doing 45 in the 55 mph zone, we’re looking at you … disapprovingly.  *major side eye*

12.     Ma’am with the silver fish on your bumper and various Christian paraphernalia in your car:  what’s with the relentlessly aggressive driving?  You’re bringing His name into disrepute.  Stop driving like the enemy–or as if you’re headed to his crib!

13.     Sis, I’m really feeling you on the need to praise while driving (PWD), but could you keep at least one hand on the wheel?

14.     What domineering spirit takes over drivers of Hummers, Explorers, Navigators, Denalis, and other behemoth gas guzzlers?  *makes the sign of the cross with index fingers*  Away, ye workers of iniquity!

15.     I won’t go in on small cars or female drivers.  Wouldn’t know where to start … or end.

 
Guys, share your “road wisdom”!



Comments

  1. Oh, you had me laughing out loud. Been there, seen that. And regarding #12, my mother always complained about how my father went to church, then jumped in the car, cursing the long-winded priest loudly, and cut off everybody else driving out of the parking lot. 😉

  2. @Shannon BreenLOL! He sounds like a riot, Shannon. It's funny how we can switch from one persona to another in a split second! Being behind the wheel brings out a special "something" in us, doesn't it?

  3. OMG this is so funny! We were once held off from moving on a green light because this lady infront of us was putting on her mascara! I mean,wow. Then of course, there are the impatient ones who cuts you off every chance they get only to get stuck on the same red light ahead. Insane! Well some people are lol

  4. @Maricris Zen MamaThe makeup mavens make me laugh, Maricris. They seem oblivious to the drama they create around them.

    Sometimes I think the speed demons have bladder problems. Is it that they need to get to the bathroom, so they have to cut off everyone in their mad rush to get there? LOL!

  5. I can relate to most of these. In fact, living in one of the largest cities in Texas, I try to stay off the roads as much as possible. I feel like a time bomb waiting to go off when I get behind the wheel. I just cross my fingers and say a little prayer every time I have to hit the road!

  6. @NeeNeeI definitely can relate, NeeNee. It's a jungle out there! LOL!

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